(via so-relatable)
(via meanwhileinthe60s)
7
•This is an Historically Accurate Transcription•
BUSH: …and that is why I constantly ask for guidance from the Lord and am grateful that He helps lead me down the path…
JOHN PAUL II: ALRIGHT…enough with the fucking God shit. Blah, blah, blah…God wants us to invade Iraq…blah, blah, blah…can somebody get this asshole a glass of whiskey?
BUSH: Your Holiness…
JOHN PAUL II: Call me “Jack”, please. Let’s ditch the formalities.
BUSH: Okay…ummm…”Jack”…
JOHN PAUL II: Actually, call me by my rap name. We’re in my hizzouse, so it’s cool.
BUSH: Your “rap name”?
JOHN PAUL II: Word. “JP Deuce”.
BUSH: Alright. JP Deu…you know what…I actually don’t feel comfortable saying that.
JOHN PAUL II: Pussy. What the fuck do you want anyway? I’m really old and really tired. I’ve been Pope since the late-70’s. Do you know what that entails?
BUSH: No, actually, I haven’t got the slightest idea what the Pope does.
JOHN PAUL II: I travel, bless shit, pray about things. Also, I get money and smack ho’s. Every once in a while, I write a Papal Bull. You don’t get to write Papal Bulls, do you?
BUSH: No, I don’t.
JOHN PAUL II: And if you think you speak to God, well Georgie, I’ve got the hotline. He doesn’t even give me guidance. We just talk shit and think about ways to persecute Jews and hold back black people. Also, Muslims.
BUSH: Oh, I do that, too!
JOHN PAUL II: Want a martini?
BUSH: No…I quit drinking. The Lord guided me towards a life of…
JOHN PAUL II: Hold on, George. God is speaking to me. What’s that, Lord? Oh, you think George W. Bush is a homo-lover who can’t handle his alcohol?
BUSH: What? He didn’t say that! Tell him I’m not a homo-lover!
JOHN PAUL II: Sorry, Dubya…he’s still talking. Yes, Lord…I’ll let him know that he should wear a pink dress to the press conference if he doesn’t take a drink.
BUSH: Fine. I’ll have a martini if the Lord says so.
JOHN PAUL II: Okay. When I make martinis, they are shaken, not stirred. I have Parkinson’s Disease, so I basically just pour the ingredients into a glass and try to hold on to it. They end up being shaken vigorously…like a crying Mexican baby.
BUSH: Thanks, JP Deuce.
JOHN PAUL II: What’s that, Lord? You think George should give me a handjob?
(Source: sharptongue, via effortlessgent)
